ThunderClan goes to the beach
by Firefrost and Flamepelt
Summary: It's hot, it's humid, and it's summer. What else are  you supposed to do? Follow Firestar, Squirrelflight, and the Clan to their long and harrowing journey to the Beach!  Warning: Do not read if you don't have a sense of humor  Please R
1. ThunderClan heads to the Beach

**Author's note:**

**Brambleclaw: Oh, come on, do I have to?**

**Firefrost:Yes, yes you do.**

**Bramblclaw: (Whining) but why?**

**Firefrost: Because I'm the author, and I can make you do whatever I want**

**Brambleclaw: Oh, yeah. Fine. Firefrost and Flamepelt does not own Warriors, any of the charactors, blah blah blah, yadda yadda ya- (choking)**

**Firefrost: Cool! I can be like Darth Vader! From now on, I am Darth Firefrost!**

**Random cats: Darth Firefrost, Darth Firefrost!YAY!**

**Firefrost: (Bowing) Thank you, thank you… and as for you… (glaring at Brambleclaw)**

**Brambleclaw: (Running into the sunset) I'm A LITTLE TEAPOT SHORT AND STOUT!**

**Firefrost: I love author powers! And now, without futher ado, I give to you…**

**THUNDERCLAN AT THE BEACH**

_(Setting: hot, humid, sunny day at the ThunderClan camp. Cats are moaning and groaning about the sun everywhere. The medicine cat clearing is filled with cats infected with.. Gottagotothebeachitis?)_

Brambleclaw: Wow, it's so hot!

Squirrelflight: I know you are.

Brambleclaw:No, I didn't mean it like…

Squirrelflight: (Eyebrow raised)

Brambleclaw: Ok, I'm hot.

Leafpool walks up to them.

Leafpool:Hey, ya'll!

Brambleclaw: Hey, Leafpool, what's with the accent?

Leafpool: What accent? This is how I talk, ya'll! Now get that there bird for me!

Jayfeather runs up to the group.

Jayfeather: (sighing) Come on, Leafpool, it's time to go back to the medicine den.

Leafpool: (whining) But mommie, I don't want to!

Jayfeather: (sighing and turning to Brambleclaw) Sorry about how she's acting. This is the sixth case of Gottagotothebeachits I've seen today!

Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight: Gottagotothewhodawata?

Leafpool: MOMMIE!

Jayfeather: Gottagotothebeachitis. If it gets bad enough, you can go crazy. There's only one cure for it…. No, it's too dangerous.

Brambleclaw: What's the cure?

Jayfeather: Well..

Brambleclaw: TELL ME!

Jayfeather: (startled) well, the cure is to go to the (shudders) BEACH! (lightning flashes, highlighting Jayfeather agians the sky.

Brambleclaw: Where'd that lightning come from?

Squirrelflight: What's the beach, Jayfeather?

Jayfeather: I don't know. Leafpool knows, but she's too crazy to tell me.

Leafpool: I AM NOT, DADDIE!

Jayfeather: Exactly. At least it's an improvement over mommie.

Leafpool: Quite right, Auntie Em.

Jayfeather: (Sighs)

. . 

(New day)

Firestar: (to Sandstorm) Whew, another 100 degree day.

Sandstorm: What's a degree? If it means hot, I agree.

Firestar: Yes, I'm hot.

Sandstorm: What?

Firestar: Yes, I'm hot.

Sandstorm: No, I heard that, but-

Firestar: (Glaring evilly) But what?

Sandstorm: Nothing, honey (backs away slowly)

Firestar( hopping onto Highledge) May the… um.. I am calling… uh.. what am I supposed to say again?

Sandstorm: I don't know.

Firestar: Oh, well… (calling out) ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY GET THEIR KEISTERS OUT UNDER HIGHLEDGE!

Clan: Wow, rude.

Mousefur: Hi, Firestar!

Firestar: (scared) Mousefur! You're dead!

Mousefur: Does it look like I'm dead?

Firestar: Well.. yes, yes it does.

Mousefur: I do? Oh, well.

Firestar: Alright, just get under highledge.

Mousefur: kk

Firestar: Kk? (muttering to self) I will never understand chatspeak.

Clan:(waiting paitently)

Firestar: Now, for the reason I called you down here… We're all going to the beach!

Clan:….

Berrykit: What's the beach?

Firestar: I don't know, but Jayfeather says that Leafpool does.

Leafpool: WATER! SAND! CHOCOLATE!

Jayfeather: (shoeing Leafpool out of the clearing) Come on, it''s ok, you can have chocolate at the medicine den.

Leafpool: I'm a little teapot….

Firestar and Clan: (Staring at leafpool, bewildered)

Fierstar: (clearing throat) Well.. apparently a beach is a place with lots of sand, water, and chocolate. So… let's pack up the van and go to the beach!

Clan: YAY! What's a van?

Firestar: (talking to himself) Yes, what is a van?

Van suddenly appears in clearing

Firestar: (Looking at the Heavens) Oh, author powers, I forgot. Sorry I doubted you.

Firefrost(author): It's ok.

Firefrost: (Gives Squirrelflight license)

Firestar: Ok, now I'm doubting you.

.

_Will the Clan ever find the beach? Will Squirrelflight bring the Clan to the beach in one piece? Will Leafpool ever find her chocolate? Find out in the next exiting episode of Bob the Builder!_

**Author's note:**

**Firefrost: There, there, Brambleclaw, that wasn't so bad, was it?**

**Brambleclaw: not bad, until you gave Squirrelflight a liscense. **

**Firefrost: Do you DOUBT ME!**

**Brambleclaw: Um… no.. uh…**

**Firefrost: WRONG ANSWER!**

**Brambleclaw: Uh oh**

**Squirrelflight: (driving van) ROADKILL!**

**Brambleclaw: (sickening squashing sound effect) Ouch.**


	2. ThunderClan actually arrives at da beach

**Author's note:**

**Brambleclaw: (Recovered from wounds) Hello, and welcome to the next episode of Bo-**

**Firefrost: This is not an episode of Bob the Builder, Brambleclaw.**

**Brambleclaw: B- but you said…**

**Firefrost: BUT NOTHING! Do you **_**want **_**me to get Squirrelflight again?**

**Brambleclaw: (whimpering) N- No!**

**Firefrost: Ok, the show is now Catbob**

**Brambleclaw: … Catbob?**

**Firefrost: It's like Spongebob, but with cats, so it's not stupid.**

**Brambleclaw: Oh, Ok.**

**Firefrost: Now, get on with the introduction.**

**Brambleclaw: Ok. Hello, and welcome to the next episode of Catbob. Will-**

**Firefrost: THE SHOW IS CALLED X-PLAY!**

**Brambleclaw: I GIVE UP! (Runs away)**

**Firefrost: I'll get him later. Now, without further ado, I give you**

**Thunderclan goes to the Beach. Chapter 2**

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(You can see a highway. In the distance, an old van comes speeding up the road, narrowly missing oncoming traffic. The sun is still high in the sky. Camera pans into the van.)

Leafpool: 10001 bottles of milk on the wall , 10001 bottles of milk-

Firestar: Oh, come on, you've sung that ten times, already! Give it a break!

Leafpool: (singing louder) TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 10000 BOTTLES OF MILK ON THE WALL!

Firestar: (banging head)

Berrykit: (pouncing on Sandstorm's tail) Hey, Lionkit, look at meeeeeee!

Lionblaze: My name is Lionblaze.

Berrykit: No, it's Lionkit! Now look at my hunter's crouch!

Lionblaze: (sighing) My name is Lionblaze. And that's a nice crouch. Nearly perfect.

Berrykit: Your name won't be Lionblaze for long, if I act cute enough. The Author has a soft spot for kittens.

Lionblaze: No, he doesn't.

(Booming voice from the sky)

Voice: Yes, I do.

Lionblaze: (fainting)

Berrykit: (all cute like) Can you change his name to Lionkit? Pleeeeeze?( makes big eyes)

Voice: Aww…. Sure, little one!

Lionkit: (waking up) Awww, man! Now I can't do patrol!

Berrykit: Cool! Now we can play moss ball!

Lionkit: (sighing)

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(Camera shifts to Squirrelflight, who is at the wheel)

Squirrelfight: (singing off tune) I need a hero!

Brambleclaw: Slow down, Honey! And keep your eyes on the road!

Squirrelflight: I don't need to! (narrowly misses car) Besides, I don't know how fast I'm even going! I can't read!

Brambleclaw: WATCH OUT!

Squirrelflight: For what?

Clan: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Car swerves off road, crashes into telephone pole)

Brambleclaw: (voice muffled from airbag) NOW look what you've done!

Squirrelflight: (head injured from crash) I'm a little teapot…

Firestar: banging head

Leafpool: 2353 BOTTLES OF MILK ON THE WALL! 2353 BOTTLES OF MILK!

Firestar: Is everyone ok?

Clan: Yes.

Firestar: Good. We're HERE!

Clan: YAY!

(stampede from car to beach)

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Jayfeather: Ok, now what?

(camera pans out to show RiverClan cats already there)

Berrykit: Oh, come on! They beat us here!

Hazelkit: Oh well, let's just… um… say, what ARE we supposed to do here?

Firestar: I don't know. Leafpool?

Leafpool: WHERE"S THE CHOCOLATE?

Firestar:….

Brambleclaw: well, anyway, while we're here, let's sun ourselves. Get into your bathing suits, and break out the tanning lotion!

Clan: YAY! TANNING LOTION!

Squirrelflight: They are really starting to get on my nerves.

Clan: YAY! WE'RE GETTING ON HER NERVES!

Squirrelflight: (banging head)

Firestar: Ok, I'm going to ask RiverClan

Clan: BOO! RIVERCLAN!

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Firestar: (walking up to Mistystar) Hey, Mistystar, what do you do here?

Mistystar: Why, swim, of course!

Firestar: (Bewildered\) But, why would we do that?

Mistystar: To cool off.

Firestar: Oh, well have a nice day!

Mistystar: You too!

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(One minute later)

Firestar: Let all cats old enough to gather their own prey meet here under… um…. High log for a Clan gathering!

Sandstorm: Oh, so now he gets it right.

Firestar: I have found out what we are supposed to do here.

Clan: YAY! FIRESTAR KNOW WHAT WE"RE SUPPOSED TO DO!

Squirrelflight: (Jumps into water) ARRHGH!

Firestar: Actually, Squirrelflight's got the right idea. We swim.

Clan: (Silence)

Firestar: IT's to cool off.

Clan: Oh…. OK

(Clan jumps into water)

Berrykit: Hey, let's all play chicken!

Clan kits: YAY! CHICKEN!

Hollyleaf: Do I hear chicken? Where?

Firestar: Hollyleaf! You're supposed to be dead!

Mousefur: So am I, but I'm here, aren't I?

Firestar: Good point. You're dismissed.

Clan: YAY! SHE'S DISMISSED!

Squirrelflight: ARRRRGHH!

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**Firefrost: Now, Brambleclaw. Come here.**

**Brambleclaw: NEVER!**

**Firefrost: Ok.**

**Brambleclaw: (Transported in front of Firefrost)**

**Firefrost: Ok,now that you're here, what do you think your punishment should be?**

**Brambleclaw: Um… I don't know.**

**Firefrost: You don't know, huh? Well, sence you don't know, I'll refer to an old classic.**

**Brambleclaw: (Gulping) Oh, no.**

**Firefrost: Oh, YES! (Grins evilly)**

**Squirrelflight: (In van) ROADKILL!**

**Brambleclaw: (Sickening crunch) Ouch. Again.**


	3. Epilouge

**Author's note:**

**Firefrost: And we rejoin our heroes on this exiting episode of Bob the Builder!**

**Brambleclaw: But, I thought it was X-Play.**

**Firefrost: (Raises eyebrow)**

**Brambleclaw: You can't do that!**

**Firefrost: Why not?**

**Brambleclaw: Because cats don't have eyebrows.**

**Firefrost. Oh, yeah. Ok. (Uses author powers) Now we do!**

**Brambleclaw: No, just you do. And it looks weird.**

**Firefrost: (Sighing) What are we going to do with you?**

**Brambleclaw: What do you mean, we? (glances up) Oh, hi.**

**You: Hi.**

**(You didn't say hi, did you? SAY IT!)**

**Firefrost: (pauses to allow time for you to read above line and say Hi)**

**Firefrost: Ok, and now, without further ado, I give to you…**

**ThunderClan goes to the Beach: Chapter 3; Now what?**

(camera pans out to see a bunch of wet cats playing on the beach. Sun is starting to go down.)

Firestar: (on top of Squirrelflight, playing Chicken with Brambleclaw and Mistystar. Looks up.)

Firestar: Well, time to go home now. It's getting dark.

Kits: Aww, man! Do we have to?

Apprentices: Wow! Finally!

Warriors: Good. It's time we ate!

Elders: (mumbling about kids these days, and stamina)

Leafpool: MOMMIE!

(camera pans over to Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight, who suddenly transported to the beach)

Brambleclaw: How did we get here?

Squirrelfight: I don't know. How about author powers?

Brambleclaw: (cringes) Oh, yeah. I hate them.

Squirrelfight: B- but why?

Brambleclaw: Have you _read _the opening and closing sequences?

Squirrelfight: (transports to opening and closing sequences)

Brambleclaw: Um… Squirrelflight?

Squirrelflight: (transported back.) What?

Brambleclaw: Never mind.

Squirrelflight: I figured out what you were talking about. I even forgot I ran you over!

Brambleclaw: Twice!

Squirrelflight: Yeah, um… sorry.

Brambleclaw: Apology accepted.

Clan: YAY! APOLOGY ACCEPTED!

Squirrelflight: (banging head) _I…thought…they…stopped…doing…that….last….chapter!_

Brambleclaw: Well.. OK then. I have to go talk to Firestar about how we're getting home.

(Brambleclaw is transported back to Firestar)

Firestar: Brambleclaw! What are you doing here?

Brambleclaw: I'm going to talk to you about how we're getting back home.

Firestar: Ok… what about it?

Brambleclaw: The %$ing van was destroyed!

Firefrost: (removes Brambleclaw from existence for profanity)

Firestar: Ok… now what?

Firefrost: If you ask nicely, I might give you another van.

Firestar: Will Squirrelflight be driving?

Firefrost: Um… yes. Yes she will.

Firestar: I'm walking, then.

Firefrost: No, you're not!

Firestar: (has broken legs)

Firestar: Ok, let's go.

(later, in the van)

Squirrelflight: Hey, does anyone know where Brambleclaw is?

Firefrost: (removes Squirrelflight from existence for profanity)

Squirrelflight: Hey, what did I do?

Firefrost: You spoke Brambleclaw's name. That's profane.

Squirrelflight: Oh.

Firefrost: Now, hush up. You don't exist, remember?

Squirrelflight: (disappears)

Firestar: Ok, now who's driving?

Van: (swerves into mall, crashes)

Firestar: Uh, oh…

(Later)

Firefrost: (waking up) Wow. What a weird dream. That's the last time I eat cheese before bed. It would make a good story, though….

***Keep a lookout for ThunderClan, at the mall***


End file.
